Youtube Wonderland

My last post left me spewing verbal vomit that tends to leave you feeling mentally dehydrated. I forgot I had a blog for a while. As suggested by close friends that I try to channel my angst and emotion into Art - I brainstormed some ideas - they are not complete or in the process of being started. They will be once I get to Seattle and actually have the means of creating things. In the meantime I did what any other person would do - I dove into the magic well that is the internet and found my way to YouTube.

My most prominent YouTube guilty pleasures are as follows (in no particular order):

Pixiwoo/Pixiwoomadness/Body Talk Daily : These channels are hosted by two British Make Up Artists with accents that I feel are addicting to listen to... also I was enlightened on how to properly care for my skin when they interviewed an expert by the name of Caroline Hirons. Here is the specific video:

As much as I appreciate the knowledge Caroline offers and how opinionated she is over skin which I have a lot of respect for! - someone needs to talk to her about her hair (That's just my opinion though!!sorry!! not trying to be catty!)

Pixiwoo and Pixiwoomadness offer loads of make up tutorials and though I myself don't wear much make up aside from the special occasions - it's still so much fun watching people apply color to their faces.

Piggiepigpigs: This channel is vlogged by a British lady who owns GUINEA PIGS! and other animals such as rats and hamsters. She makes guinea pig products that are so adorable and has some of the cutest guineas I've ever seen. P.S. I could watch guinea pigs eat for hours - they are too cute.

Foodwishes: Aside from it being Ramadan here and my having to fast forcing me to look at food in a more.. mouth watering desperate manner - Chef John is fun to listen to and his recipes are simple and well explained. Plus who can truly resist looking at good food? (For my birthday I was baked the molten lava cake recipe and it was heavenly!!! THANK YOU PATRICK!)

Last but certainly not least!! The cat channels!!
Sweetfurx4 with all the exotic shorthairs and longhairs that do amazing tricks!

AND of course Mythicbells with some of the most beautiful fluffies aside from my own (BIAS)

And let's not forget Cricket!!

I leave you with these many videos which I hope entertain you even the slightest bit. I realize many of these may come off as a girly choice but WHATEVER <3 it comes with love.

Hope you all have a nice day!

I hate both of you.

I had to sleep on this one which was hard considering my mind was racing - I was angry. (yay my favorite place!!! not really)

I have discussed this in sorts in a prior blog and also through my art in someways. This being the topic of being multicultural or in the middle.

I'm not going to sit here and say I know how everyone in the world feels to a T but I know how I feel about being stuck in the middle of something. I am a middle child, I'm also the only girl within my siblings, and I have been in the middle of my parents battles all my life.

Now I face another reality - being from the Middle East and in the middle of the East vs. West battle.
How am I in the middle you ask? I'm sure you're all going to be surprised that I would even think that!
You don't hate me - you just dislike the bad guys right? -The "bad" guys are either side.

Let me get this out there once and for all: I am Arabic, I will always be Arabic, until I turn to dust I still will be Arabic and I am proud of that. I wasn't raised to be violent, and gracious white western hands of purity did NOT bless me with the ability to think for myself or seek freedom of mind and choice.

Freedom - is not a western ideal. Freedom is a human ideal. No one in this world is allowed to take that away from me and to label it as East or West or Religion based or lack of.

Yesterday a Norwegian girl was arrested in Dubai after reporting a rape. I don't understand the details of the story and I do not believe she should have been arrested. Regardless of the logistics of this case - be it the blatantly discriminatory laws within the Middle East or the lack of understanding of what life in the Middle East is like, what gets me the most is the comments, and the remarks that you get from both sides when the sparring begins.

OH MY GOD. It makes me boil.

Another example was this documentary that I couldn't even start to watch on modern day slavery in Dubai - because I couldn't get past the youtube comments.

I am in no way or shape making excuses for how horrible conditions are. They are terrible, awful, and no one should be subjected to them. But like a beaten housewife if you choose to stay, and you know your husband is going to beat you - you're not helping the situation.

I'm tired of seeing comments like this:

Arabs are mean people
I hate Arabs
You guys are rich and you don't deserve your money!
Your laws are terrible and you must be terrible!
I hope you all die
vs
Islam keeps people clean
We have less STD's because of less promiscuity!
We have better rights for women
Get out of our country!
You are filthy and with no morals!

There's a million versions of each of those of course.

How am I supposed to feel, like I'm excluded from all that? What have I as an individual done - to inherit all this hatred from people I don't know and will more than likely never know?

I like Westerners, I appreciate the expats that have come to the Middle East to work and to educate me in a different language. I've made many close western friends and consider some family. As for being perfect?...

How about my third grade teacher who took a Somali kid out of class, told him to take off his shoes and sprayed Air Refresher in his shoes because he said they smelled bad. Funny no one else in the class thought that they smelled bad.

Or how about how I have to be humiliated through airports or embassies? I'm your friend right? An ally? Is this how friends are treated?

As for the East Asians who are mistreated:

How about the Indian men who have either groped me here and there while I was at a store when I was 14 years old? I know conditions of living are horrible but does that really warrant my ass being grabbed while I'm looking at toys?
None of this is made up - I wish it were. I'm such a mean Arab I never got that person deported.

And As for Arabs:

I've been groped, hit on by 12 years old boys, aggressively treated by 15 year old boys, bullied by Qatari girls, discriminated against because my family is Shi'a. We're all just so peaceful and loving in our culture. Families dictating what each others lives should be but not actually living through the pain of an individual.
Laws that can't be changed, that are dictated through a majority of a religion which you have to be BY LAW - the list goes on.

Here's my biggest question - as supposed educators and advocates of peace why is that so many continue to spread the hate instead of actually educating and not force feeding your own ideals on to people? (Directed at all people by the way).
You want to be peaceful and fair - be the peace you seek to preach.
If you treat someone like crap, and you tell them they're crap, do you really think they are going to miraculously rise to the occasion and be happy with you - and treat you well? There aren't many people in the world like that.

Last but not least - if you hate being in the Middle East so bad stop being bought and boycott. Many come here for a "better" life - the Middle East is by far nowhere near perfect. Are your countries perfect? Why aren't you working there? Easy to point your fingers at people from a different background but not at your own government now isn't it?

You should know from the get go when you get a visa and read the laws to BE CAREFUL.
I of all people know the laws are merciless and scrutinizing. How on earth do you think I feel?
I can't even make the slightest changes to these rules. So do me a god damn favor, leave me and those like me out of this bickering. Both sides are at fault. BOTH OF THEM. Both are just as self entitled
But guess who always gets hurt? The people in the middle, we're just stuck in the crossfire.

So yes in the end you get what you wanted which is apparently more hatred - I hope you're happy.
You reap what you sow.

Here's to cattiness - and its dysfunction

I think Tori Amos said it best in her song "Cornflake girl":

"And the man with the golden gun 

thinks he knows so much"

So much about what you ask? The female feud.

This topic actually is something I feel I should have addressed a while ago while I had sources from my history class in college. I would probably present a better argument.

 Let's cut to the chase:
Women have struggled in getting equal rights to men for a long time and of course still continue to struggle horribly in different places around the world.

There's 2 sides within the female world:
Women who believe that they should be treated equally to men regardless of circumstance.
Women who believe that their difference or (feminine mystique) gives them a perspective men do not have and therefore should have power/equality in regards to that.

There's a million factors that you can go over that will discern that an either or tactic of each side is not going to work in bringing equality to women.
I believe women should be treated like human beings and not cattle. The "gift of life" is not a gift all women want to bear (which I respect)- and for those that do it is a responsibility and a job believe it or not - that is paid for in what?
I'm not saying women aren't thankful for their children just saying that in many ways it can be a thankless job and one that can go unappreciated in today's society.

I don't want to get into the whole feminine debate though - I want to address how women .. tend to be less sisterly.  Quite frankly I don't get it - maybe it's because lots of girls want to be princesses when they are young or because it's hammered in their heads or something. It's competitive from the get go - the prettiest, the girl who has the most pink, the girl with the best shoes, barbies, you name it the list goes on.
Then it's the girls who think they are tough and are tomboys and don't like princesses and blablablablah

CAT FIGHT!!! 

From my past experiences none of the cattiness has ever been over anything substantial. It's almost always territorial, a form of asserting dominance - or a huge cry for someone to love them for who they are. It's funny that all this bickering between ourselves isn't helping us achieve anything in reality. We all have individual goals in the end - that doesn't mean we have to stomp on another's dream of having a tiara or being able to punch someone in the face. (I want both by the way.)

VS

I have very few female friends - for that reason alone. It is so hard for it to not become petty so quickly. WHY!?!! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS?!! GROW THE FUCK UP!!!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!!

If I have to be born with ovaries and have to deal with this crap from other women my goodness it makes me wonder if it is a lot less catty being a man.

Can we have a "brocode" of our own? PLEASE?! Someone needs to referee this madness. I am getting too old for this stupidity to be a part of it. I don't think all girls are territorial I think there are some of us that are tossed to the side like fodder. None the less united we stand divided we fall...channel some of that cattiness into fighting for something important.

What's the opposite of Hiatus?

I wish my brain could go on hiatus - yeesh..
I'm back! ready to preach and give lessons on life.. and then RANT. RANT RANT  RANT...

Sometimes I feel like my brain is someone who just doesn't listen to me. .. I think I need to clarify somethings and maybe this is just for me more than anyone else:

I don't want to be an unhappy person but truth be told there are a lot of things in life that seem to drag me in that direction.

 If I come off as someone who is trying to drag everyone else with me or looking for pity - I'm not. Honestly I just wanted to express myself in some way since all other ways lately have felt like another place for frustration and judgement.

That being said the internet isn't exactly void of that -

It's hard being angry, frustrated and depressed. It's not a choice unless you glamorize it. I hope I'm not!
I hate it, it's exhausting but I am very unhappy with who I am right now and where my life is.
I'm unhappy that I'm unhappy and boy is that a loop you don't want to be stuck in.

When I'm home with my family and in my country it is near impossible to not have your patience tested.
I live in a house that looks more like a circus or an episode of hoarders waiting to go on air.

Don't believe me?
Here's proof:

The only place where a ballerina, a baby, and a creepy porcelain Arab man would exist is in this house.. I'm sure someone can disprove me eventually but for now humor me please.


Politics are on fire in this region - everyone against everyone. Then there's Ramadan holy month of starve yourself to death from sunrise till sunset then BINGE like a fatty in between. I swear some of the sweets that are served during this month would kill a diabetic in an instant.
Last but not least there is the service provided by my country in which you have to lose your inner Buddha just so you can get something basic - like better internet installed in your house. 1 month for them to just set up an appointment.. and yeap omg.. I don't even want to go there.

The chlorinated water is agitating my scalp.. my sinuses are in bad shape, I feel fat, I feel out of shape, and like an anomaly in this house. It feels like my parents are ashamed of me and I am quite ashamed of myself.  Not in a good place right now - my saving grace is a few people who really care about me and video games.

I wish art could be in the group of saviors but honestly it feels like a reminder of how little people care about me and how far behind I am.

This is where I am at - I don't want to be here, I don't mean to off put people into thinking I'm not fun or that I don't want to have fun and be happy. I love having conversations with people they don't always have to be about this crap or my baggage.

Look! KITTENS!