I wish my brain could go on hiatus - yeesh..
I'm back! ready to preach and give lessons on life.. and then RANT. RANT RANT RANT...
Sometimes I feel like my brain is someone who just doesn't listen to me. .. I think I need to clarify somethings and maybe this is just for me more than anyone else:
I don't want to be an unhappy person but truth be told there are a lot of things in life that seem to drag me in that direction.
If I come off as someone who is trying to drag everyone else with me or looking for pity - I'm not. Honestly I just wanted to express myself in some way since all other ways lately have felt like another place for frustration and judgement.
That being said the internet isn't exactly void of that -
It's hard being angry, frustrated and depressed. It's not a choice unless you glamorize it. I hope I'm not!
I hate it, it's exhausting but I am very unhappy with who I am right now and where my life is.
I'm unhappy that I'm unhappy and boy is that a loop you don't want to be stuck in.
When I'm home with my family and in my country it is near impossible to not have your patience tested.
I live in a house that looks more like a circus or an episode of hoarders waiting to go on air.
Don't believe me?
Here's proof:
The only place where a ballerina, a baby, and a creepy porcelain Arab man would exist is in this house.. I'm sure someone can disprove me eventually but for now humor me please.
Politics are on fire in this region - everyone against everyone. Then there's Ramadan holy month of starve yourself to death from sunrise till sunset then BINGE like a fatty in between. I swear some of the sweets that are served during this month would kill a diabetic in an instant.
Last but not least there is the service provided by my country in which you have to lose your inner Buddha just so you can get something basic - like better internet installed in your house. 1 month for them to just set up an appointment.. and yeap omg.. I don't even want to go there.
The chlorinated water is agitating my scalp.. my sinuses are in bad shape, I feel fat, I feel out of shape, and like an anomaly in this house. It feels like my parents are ashamed of me and I am quite ashamed of myself. Not in a good place right now - my saving grace is a few people who really care about me and video games.
I wish art could be in the group of saviors but honestly it feels like a reminder of how little people care about me and how far behind I am.
This is where I am at - I don't want to be here, I don't mean to off put people into thinking I'm not fun or that I don't want to have fun and be happy. I love having conversations with people they don't always have to be about this crap or my baggage.
Look! KITTENS!
I'm back! ready to preach and give lessons on life.. and then RANT. RANT RANT RANT...
Sometimes I feel like my brain is someone who just doesn't listen to me. .. I think I need to clarify somethings and maybe this is just for me more than anyone else:
I don't want to be an unhappy person but truth be told there are a lot of things in life that seem to drag me in that direction.
If I come off as someone who is trying to drag everyone else with me or looking for pity - I'm not. Honestly I just wanted to express myself in some way since all other ways lately have felt like another place for frustration and judgement.
That being said the internet isn't exactly void of that -
It's hard being angry, frustrated and depressed. It's not a choice unless you glamorize it. I hope I'm not!
I hate it, it's exhausting but I am very unhappy with who I am right now and where my life is.
I'm unhappy that I'm unhappy and boy is that a loop you don't want to be stuck in.
When I'm home with my family and in my country it is near impossible to not have your patience tested.
I live in a house that looks more like a circus or an episode of hoarders waiting to go on air.
Don't believe me?
Here's proof:
Politics are on fire in this region - everyone against everyone. Then there's Ramadan holy month of starve yourself to death from sunrise till sunset then BINGE like a fatty in between. I swear some of the sweets that are served during this month would kill a diabetic in an instant.
Last but not least there is the service provided by my country in which you have to lose your inner Buddha just so you can get something basic - like better internet installed in your house. 1 month for them to just set up an appointment.. and yeap omg.. I don't even want to go there.
The chlorinated water is agitating my scalp.. my sinuses are in bad shape, I feel fat, I feel out of shape, and like an anomaly in this house. It feels like my parents are ashamed of me and I am quite ashamed of myself. Not in a good place right now - my saving grace is a few people who really care about me and video games.
I wish art could be in the group of saviors but honestly it feels like a reminder of how little people care about me and how far behind I am.
This is where I am at - I don't want to be here, I don't mean to off put people into thinking I'm not fun or that I don't want to have fun and be happy. I love having conversations with people they don't always have to be about this crap or my baggage.
Look! KITTENS!
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