After a week of being sick and a good portion of that time not knowing I was sick, I feel like I'm coming to a point of anger - realization - frustration - exhaustion.
A certain quote comes to mind from a book I am reading for my yoga class "Human being vs. Human doing".
Being... I haven't been anything but stressed. I know this because my eczema which usually clears up while I'm here hasn't at all. Leaping from one thing to the next, one assignment to the next, one class to the next. I would love to get a "thank you for trying" from my teachers every once in a while. Perhaps I'm asking too much of others, to be mindful of me, when I can't even be mindful of myself.
Part of mindfulness is being alive in the moment, after all you're only alive right now. I'm beyond a novice when it comes to resisting being swept away by the tides of my emotions. All this stems from one thing and one thing alone:
My desire to achieve perfection by pleasing everyone.
When I look at that from a distance it's obviously folly. However, I jump at every opportunity to make sure someone, anyone, isn't unhappy with me. I got straight A's last semester - and you know what? It doesn't even matter because in my mind, there's a voice that tells me - that's not enough because it's just good, it's not GREAT. I know whom the voice belongs to. I know it's not mine but I can't seem to shut it out.
As a child, especially in elementary, I didn't even know what my grades were. I didn't care! I was busy being myself. Now suddenly I have something to prove. Why?
A certain quote comes to mind from a book I am reading for my yoga class "Human being vs. Human doing".
Being... I haven't been anything but stressed. I know this because my eczema which usually clears up while I'm here hasn't at all. Leaping from one thing to the next, one assignment to the next, one class to the next. I would love to get a "thank you for trying" from my teachers every once in a while. Perhaps I'm asking too much of others, to be mindful of me, when I can't even be mindful of myself.
Part of mindfulness is being alive in the moment, after all you're only alive right now. I'm beyond a novice when it comes to resisting being swept away by the tides of my emotions. All this stems from one thing and one thing alone:
My desire to achieve perfection by pleasing everyone.
When I look at that from a distance it's obviously folly. However, I jump at every opportunity to make sure someone, anyone, isn't unhappy with me. I got straight A's last semester - and you know what? It doesn't even matter because in my mind, there's a voice that tells me - that's not enough because it's just good, it's not GREAT. I know whom the voice belongs to. I know it's not mine but I can't seem to shut it out.
As a child, especially in elementary, I didn't even know what my grades were. I didn't care! I was busy being myself. Now suddenly I have something to prove. Why?
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