Coming Clean

After watching this video I got to thinking back of a day when I was a kid, and my cousin had gotten 2 plastic keys that you could open like jewelry boxes. I wanted those so bad - usually he wasn't up for sharing but that day he was. I was so jealous that his mother got him any toy he wanted. I would stay over at my grandparents house for months and he and his family lived there too.
We went on to play with the keys and we were spinning around so I took this as an opportunity to lash out and have the key hit him in the face on "accident". I then ran off and hid in a closet because I knew what I did. I hurt someone because they had something I wanted.

Karma has a funny way of dishing that back out at you. My teenage years were extra special. I'm not going to go into detail out of respect for the person Karma chose as their messenger.

I'm not perfect, no one is, no matter how beautifully rendered or realistically painted their work is. Or how happy they appear in their Facebook pictures, Instagram, or tweets. I am - truly envious of those seemingly joyous moments. I am the green monster and I have been for months. I've been having a hard time appreciating what I can do.

Grades in school have taken over my mind as a form of judging where I belong. I know it's not good, but I barely talk to people in general. It's hard when you don't want to be the person who is about to have a mental breakdown in Yoga class. Being sent home because you started bawling in front of your teacher because well  let's face it, you're lonely no matter where you go. Your family has a very censored view of you and you can't just BE with anyone. All you seem to be getting are B's therefore you're just a B grade egg and no one wants those right? RIGHT?
to quote American dad -

Klaus: It's high school, Steve. It doesn't matter

Steve: You said that about middle school. When's it start to matter?

Klaus and Stan: Never.

 I couldn't find the cut scene of this but just in case you're curious it's from the episode:
The Adventures of Twill Ongenbone and His Boy Jabari

I'm jealous of your energy imaginary happy people.
I'm jealous of your joy despite what grade you get.
I'm jealous of your confidence in class.
I'm jealous of your leg muscles and how your knee doesn't kill you when you try to do a lunge.
I'm jealous of your eczema free hair and pearly teeth.
I'm jealous of how well you capture the human form.
I'm jealous how everything looks good on you and somehow you always seem to match your clothes and look oh so rustic chic.
I'm jealous you have your freedom on paper, in a constitution where no one owns you legally.
I'm jealous that you are so mobile and independent.
I'm jealous that you have more than one person to talk to and hang with and last but not least,
I'm jealous you can eat cheese and that it doesn't fuck with you.