Conviction

Video class has finally ended.

"insert Carmina Burana here"

I am free - no no hold on I wasn't free immediately till I switched on a light bulb. I had received my written critique from a peer and there was a section in it that said (I kid you not): Write in - how bad was it. 5 beign bad, nonsense, nothing.

With that said the comment written expresses the following:

"The idea to try to get your video length down and more specific would make it even better than it is"

Now this is me focusing on the negative part of my critique just to assure you I know what I'm doing. Then I thought to myself .....

Why should I compromise my pacing for a faster or more specific video? Wasn't I the one preaching about taking your time and savoring the moment and all that? That was yesterdays piece of chocolate blog. 

As an artist and a human being I need to stay true to my convictions, be it through my artwork or day to day life. So I decided to defend myself. Now I do apologize if anyone is hurt by this because that is not my intention. Granted I do feel that others within my class don't really care if they hurt others or not. 

Regardless of that and perhaps that's my over sensitivity spilling into the hardness or toughness that some people claim to be exerting. (Hardcore like a piece of constipated shit). ohohoho sorry that was a slip of the tongue.

So anyway here was my defense:

The biggest critique I got towards my video has been the length of it. While I feel it’s easy for people to throw around that statement - I beg to differ. 

The argument that perhaps this isn't my audience may have some merit but I would like to state something I feel is important to me as an artist and a human being. 

I am not in a rush. I don’t like being rushed and I refuse to make my video shorter. I don’t think it will make it “better”. Why? because I truly believe in savoring the moment. In this video the “moments” were my characters. 

In my blunt opinion - people’s attention spans are getting way too short. I refuse to cater to that - especially through my work. Also “better” is a matter of perspective as artists I had hoped people would be more open to something “different” rather than fitting things back into a box. 

As hard is it is for me to say this but:

DEAL WITH IT.

I have to draw the line for compromise somewhere. I've compromised most my life away and it's painful. Art was my home for the longest time but lately I feel like I've been robbed of that feeling. I realize now that I compromised it for the sake of pleasing others and I robbed myself. The line is drawn.So..

Come at me bro!

And now I leave you with a my celebration song:

Piece of Chocolate

It's been a long week but there's one more week to grit through. Once it's over I can finally pay attention to myself better.
I have a bad left knee. I don't know why but one day it just started to pull and from then on it has never ceased to be sensitive. That was a life changing moment for me in that I had just become a runner and I loved it. I felt like running was the one thing that liberated me physically. It got me closer to my inner child - I felt alive. I've tried to find alternatives and they do work, don't get me wrong, but there's something about running or just leaping that I am hoping I can get back to soon.

I walked home from Upper Queen Anne today after finding out that I took a cab there for an empty carton of Gardasil. It's ok the walk made up for it. I meandered took pictures, ate ice cream, went to a book store, fell in love with Upper Queen Anne, then made it to the Seattle Center for a quick run through of the Japanese festival. If there's anything you should know about me, it's that I secretly wish I were Japanese. That's probably silly thinking is what most would say. I have my reasons. I think they are quite obvious.
Anyway as I was walking I remembered where it was that I left the old Fatima that I felt at home with. I haven't been able to stop and really enjoy a moment since Spring Break. Even that felt short lived as school was right around the corner and I had homework to do as well.

Today despite the fact that I have a billion things to do tomorrow and the day after - I felt a little ray of sunshine in my life that I had shut out because I felt I had no time for it anymore. I really want to say fuck my knee and start running again - I want the liberation - I need the liberation. I need to set myself free since I have put a cage around myself on top of the one I was in a year ago. I want to believe I am worthwhile again especially in my field.





Not to sound all preachy or elderly and what not but seriously to the people who are below 25 years old:

Don't buy into the idea that you have to hyperventilate through your life. You're young, enjoy your youth - not by exhausting yourself or living within a 5 min frame of mind. Savor the moment. Eat a piece of chocolate and let it sit on your tongue for at least 10 seconds before you chew and swallow it. Your life is that piece of chocolate. You are not a robot. Only Daft Punk are robots but hey even they admit that they are "Human after all". So why can't you?

Peace.

 

 Not the biggest Bruno Mars fan but this song has been stuck in my head. So I will leave you off with it. I'm not a fan of the video though - only because the women look like they're about to jizz themselves for no reason. Just saying.

Triality

Good afternoon everyone!
What a wonderful Saturday in which ordering pizza is an apparently near impossible task.
I woke up in the morning not feeling like P.Diddy but more like a robot programmed to get things done for finals as soon as possible. Now as much as I would like to run a river of rant on you the equivalent of the plagues unleashed on the Pharaohs of Egypt by Moses (high-five) I will abstain from festering as I am too tired to do so.

On to the real stuff:


This is my video project that I walked out of class on the verge of tears after a palpable critique. Not looking for sympathy - just stating the truth. Also this is just my honest and very blunt opinion - but if you have the attention span of a flea I really don't care to hear your whining over it being too long. If you like it ! great! if you don't it's simple - walk away. I think that's fair - I spare you my crap and you spare me yours.

The video is set to unlisted on youtube. I don't really want many people to see it or search for it. So you have to click on the link:

http://youtu.be/ujWnAPXQFbc

No Words Just Pictures - Now Tell me What I'm thinking.

From the Pit to the World

Alas I have been engulfed by video editing and more reading. I will admit though my growing familiarity with video editing has made me a believer of some sorts. I am a bit of a performance artist within my silent cubicle of an apartment.

Anyway here is a sneak peak at my video "Triality" and yes that is a word but for some reason spell check wants to make feel like an idiot.

Now I can't give away too much about my video. It would be too obvious I think. I hope to upload this file on to my video blog sometime soon - along with all my other projects I have failed to upload because they were too big :( and this one is the biggest haha!

I will leave you now with a song I feel is very thematic to me right now:

It's been a while -

It hasn't been forever but long enough since I last posted something.
I've been so busy with school as many projects are suddenly due and hailing from nowhere -
like the hail that so happened to drop last weekend on Seattle. WTF?!

This past week I've rollercoastered my emotions from euphoric to absolute rage to surrender.
It's hard to prioritize what's most important to you when others have already dictated that hierarchy - how do you convince yourself that what you're doing, regardless of the "facts" is still the right thing to do?
It's a hard habit to break when it's been nailed into your brain since childhood that you have to stick to the rules or else!

Or else what? OH CONSEQUENCES. I wish I was as carefree as a cat...
instead after realizing I have 40 pages to read over the weekend and summarize along with 70% of my video project due for Monday... this is what my morning looked like

I go to class and I work I simmer down a little bit.. so fucking tired though soooooooooooo fucking tired

Then we had to discuss women's rights - and as you SHOULD know I am of course a feminist in many ways. I am denied many rights already on top of the many that are still lingering. The topic makes my head swell.The fact that I have to write a paper on it at the end of this semester makes me feel like I need to add a few extra rants here and there - but that won't get me the "A" I so desire.

Ariel Gold you are such an inspiration to my rage and you are 100% quintessential MALE.

Shyvana the half Dragon another example of my rage...

Failing!!! because that's exactly what happens. I hate feeling so powerless when I'm about to burst with emotion. God damn so frustrating. Anyway ..it's time to douse the fire with a shower 

Later all!

Landmine AHOOOOOOY!

The title makes no sense - but who cares?! because I did hit a mental landmine today! I was blown away by something I always knew I loved but when I dug deeper, I loved it even more. It's like my love of cupcakes.. cupcakes that are bleeding my wallet dry this month.. of the sinful non kosher variety... of the love handle inducing cheese making variety... of the OK -

I love the 90's - I will say it again.. I love the 90's. 

There is a song from the 90's that I decided to sing to myself today and then I thought "I wonder if there are any good youtube covers of this song?" Guess what? there are a few - but seriously nothing beats the original in my book.

The song is called "Your Woman" and it's by the one man band White Town. You might remember this song as White Town was considered to be a one hit wonder.

Now what was even more fascinating to me, as I typed someones eyes out due to my excitement over this song was not only the message of the song and the awesome video but it was the actual artists' story:

"White Town is a British musical act and is the work of one man, Jyoti Prakash Mishra." 
"Mishra was born in Rourkela, Odisha, India on 30 July 1966"
"Mishra, a straight edger and ex-Marxist, often incorporates political concerns in his songs veiled in terms of personal relationships" (wikipedia)

"Your Woman" is a reworking of the 1932 Bing Crosby song "My Woman," composed by Crosby (lyrics), Irving Wallman, and Max Wartell (music and lyrics). Al Bowlly, who was a vocalist in theRay Noble Orchestra, recorded a version of "My Woman" on 29 November 1932 with the Lew Stone and the Monseigneur Band in London. The Bowlly version was featured in the Pennies from Heaven film and soundtrack, and it was this version that White Town sampled for "Your Woman." (wikipedia)

Then this

Lead to someone thinking of this:

The lyrics could mean "Being a member of an orthodox Trotskyist / Marxist movement. Being a straight guy in love with a lesbian. Being a gay guy in love with a straight man. Being a straight girl in love with a lying, two-timing, fake-ass Marxist. The hypocrisy that results when love and lust get mixed up with highbrow ideals."^[2]

(wikipedia)

And this happens.

I think it's interesting how art can influence other art and that in music it can be quite - well audible.

Lots of visual artists have inspired one another as well. It's a beautiful flow of thought really - and I enjoy examining it. BAM! INFOGASM

Long LONG time ComiNYAN!

Honestly I have to address something so blatant about myself - I love Cats.

I AM A CATAHOLIC

We can see this is something that started long ago:

That's probably where I first learned to say kitty...and possibly even developed my love for ginger and white cats.

Anyway I've noticed an alarming trend in my ... life.... it looks something like this ...

I mean it's needless to say that I miss my cats and just in case you don't know who they are.. I the proud parent shall inform you and..YOU WILL LISTEN!!!

BABIES HOW CUUUUUUUTE

CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE

OH THEY GREW UP.

See if you can spot which ones were the kittens.

I have bajillion nicknames for them, and some of them make no sense at all but I got there - I got there somehow.

Let's start with Saloom: Saloomi,Taloom,Talloomi,Mr.Saloom,Loomi,Sniffules,Iffu,Niffu,Loomi,Moogle.

Umber: Umberi,Umberito,Buri,Teeto,Capachico,Mochachino,Chocalata,Choclaita.

Marrion or Marjan (means Coral and he's a boy): Mr.Fuzz, Fuzzle, MisoFuzz, Fuzzoo,Fuzznut,Maryan,Moyan,LesFuzzoo.

I could go on, but if you really want me to go on, I will do so sporadically through the rest of this blog.
NYAN.

Cats have been a part of my life since my childhood and I always associated my personality as cat like. I don't know if that's true but I can't help but enjoy their unique personalities and trying to connect with them. TANABOOBOO

I've played feline characters even in the MMORPG's I've played. PADMINI

One of my favorite shows growing up was the Thundercats. MELLINCOCO
Also "The Cat Returns" has a special place in my heart - (Miyazaki film) TUNATUNE

It's happening.. I can't resist it anymore!!

MEOWTH - I know Mr.Fuzz.. I know...

It's in my head too...

GASP.....NYANNYANYANNYANNYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANYANINININININININININNYANYAN

Tumblrs Pandora's box

How do you start a blog like this in an epic manner?

Oh wait I know: (Warning contains some nudity)

Bet she won't be doing this tomorrow

But that's how I'm going to look when I get the new Daft Punk album

What do you mean you're offended by my humor of a bare ass on fire?!

BE AFRAID OF MY FEMININE MYSTIQUE 

I dare you to enter tumblr's WTF section of gifs! DARE YOU!!

The Box

This was a watercolor I did about 5-6 years ago.

I felt and still feel that this painting, without so many words or body gestures, summarized how I felt and who I was in that specific moment.

Sometimes other pictures capture us in our truest nature. My love of ginger cats has not waned since my youth, and now I have 1 ginger, 2 creams, 1 cream and White, 1 silver, and 1 tabby or as I like to call it 1 mocha. They tend to look like your favorite ice cream or cookies blended together.
ANYWAY - that's not the point of what I'm trying to say. Cats distract me so much.

When I look at this photograph of myself a lot of things become more clear as to why I am who I am and how contradicting life can be. Look at that photo! there's a Red Jaguar then Traditional Qatari clothing hanging in the background and then me in SHORTS that have the Ninja Turtles on them, and I'm holding a cat that's meant for the indoors, very much in the outdoors.

I guess I had a bit of a wake up call today: I'm still that goofy kid but I really have to find my true home. Time is moving forward and things are changing and I have changed too but really - nothing's changed at all.

I am a byproduct of many societies and that has been the theme a lot of my work in multiple classes.
All this:

All this - is exactly what's in that photograph of myself when I was 6 years old.

I was asked once if I was narcissistic, and if that's why I painted myself. I'm not, but I am lost in myself. Isn't everyone? Have you ever noticed that we box ourselves all the time? We're surrounded by boxes! Cars, Buildings, even clothes! and shoes in many ways are boxy.

When I came back to Seattle after 6 years I felt like everything was surreal, like my head was floating and that I wasn't really here. Truth is I'm not here, and for the 6 years I was home, I wasn't there either. I was in a box, in my bedroom, in my world. I find myself building that same box here, enclosing myself so I can feel safe - which is why I sometimes don't reach out, or speak out. If I break the box you'll find out the truth, you'll find out who I really am. That could be troublesome - for the both of us.