The Box

This was a watercolor I did about 5-6 years ago.

I felt and still feel that this painting, without so many words or body gestures, summarized how I felt and who I was in that specific moment.

Sometimes other pictures capture us in our truest nature. My love of ginger cats has not waned since my youth, and now I have 1 ginger, 2 creams, 1 cream and White, 1 silver, and 1 tabby or as I like to call it 1 mocha. They tend to look like your favorite ice cream or cookies blended together.
ANYWAY - that's not the point of what I'm trying to say. Cats distract me so much.

When I look at this photograph of myself a lot of things become more clear as to why I am who I am and how contradicting life can be. Look at that photo! there's a Red Jaguar then Traditional Qatari clothing hanging in the background and then me in SHORTS that have the Ninja Turtles on them, and I'm holding a cat that's meant for the indoors, very much in the outdoors.

I guess I had a bit of a wake up call today: I'm still that goofy kid but I really have to find my true home. Time is moving forward and things are changing and I have changed too but really - nothing's changed at all.

I am a byproduct of many societies and that has been the theme a lot of my work in multiple classes.
All this:

All this - is exactly what's in that photograph of myself when I was 6 years old.

I was asked once if I was narcissistic, and if that's why I painted myself. I'm not, but I am lost in myself. Isn't everyone? Have you ever noticed that we box ourselves all the time? We're surrounded by boxes! Cars, Buildings, even clothes! and shoes in many ways are boxy.

When I came back to Seattle after 6 years I felt like everything was surreal, like my head was floating and that I wasn't really here. Truth is I'm not here, and for the 6 years I was home, I wasn't there either. I was in a box, in my bedroom, in my world. I find myself building that same box here, enclosing myself so I can feel safe - which is why I sometimes don't reach out, or speak out. If I break the box you'll find out the truth, you'll find out who I really am. That could be troublesome - for the both of us.