There's something about looking around a Victoria's Secret store for 20 mins without getting any sort of help that really gets under my skin. I look around and see girls with straightened hair and make up, in the latest gap jeans and jackets being brown nosed all the way out the door. When I finally get helped the person couldn't even get my name right, "Padma?" "Fatima" - "Oh right."
That right there? is only an increment of what I experience in a lot of stores, no matter where I'm at, but here, this puts it on a whole other level of ugly. I'm not white enough I get it, and that's fine, I'll never be white enough, or Arab enough as many people seem to mistake me as Indian a lot. Which is fine, India is a beautiful country and some of the most beautiful women in the world are from India, but what adds insult to injury is this - I could lie and say yes I'm Indian, but I'm not, I never will be and I will never be accepted within Indian society either. I can't be accepted here or back home.
Something has got to give. Going into a clothing store and walking out feeling like I'm on the verge of tears because I can't fit anything because body isn't the right type, or I'm not supposed to have a specific bra size because of my height OR the same clothing store I shopped at 5 years ago went through such a dramatic change in clothing size, that I went from a size 3 to a size 6 with a 5 lbs weight gain. WHAT THE FUCK?
I consider myself a nice person, but do you want to know why I'm nice? because I believe no one should have to feel the way I do when I'm miserable. No one.
Alicia Keys has that popular song "Girl on fire". Can I just say she doesn't know what fire is. Fire is what I feel when I've been born female into one of the most repressive societies in history. Fire is what I feel when my own family betrays me in a plethora of inexcusable ways but I still have to suck it up and deal with it. Fire is what I feel when people tell me I'm something I'm not despite genetics and an unfortunate whim of the universe. Who are you to tell me who I should be? FUCK YOU.
Also for the Arabs who think I'm not Arab enough, well gee if years of familial inbreeding in that region isn't enough evidence of my Arabic heritage I don't know what would be? FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU AND YOUR SELF RIGHTEOUS RELIGIOUSLY HYPOCRITICAL NATURE. FUCK YOU!
I'm tired of rejecting my humanity while embracing everyone else's.
...................................................FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......
That right there? is only an increment of what I experience in a lot of stores, no matter where I'm at, but here, this puts it on a whole other level of ugly. I'm not white enough I get it, and that's fine, I'll never be white enough, or Arab enough as many people seem to mistake me as Indian a lot. Which is fine, India is a beautiful country and some of the most beautiful women in the world are from India, but what adds insult to injury is this - I could lie and say yes I'm Indian, but I'm not, I never will be and I will never be accepted within Indian society either. I can't be accepted here or back home.
Something has got to give. Going into a clothing store and walking out feeling like I'm on the verge of tears because I can't fit anything because body isn't the right type, or I'm not supposed to have a specific bra size because of my height OR the same clothing store I shopped at 5 years ago went through such a dramatic change in clothing size, that I went from a size 3 to a size 6 with a 5 lbs weight gain. WHAT THE FUCK?
I consider myself a nice person, but do you want to know why I'm nice? because I believe no one should have to feel the way I do when I'm miserable. No one.
Alicia Keys has that popular song "Girl on fire". Can I just say she doesn't know what fire is. Fire is what I feel when I've been born female into one of the most repressive societies in history. Fire is what I feel when my own family betrays me in a plethora of inexcusable ways but I still have to suck it up and deal with it. Fire is what I feel when people tell me I'm something I'm not despite genetics and an unfortunate whim of the universe. Who are you to tell me who I should be? FUCK YOU.
Also for the Arabs who think I'm not Arab enough, well gee if years of familial inbreeding in that region isn't enough evidence of my Arabic heritage I don't know what would be? FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU AND YOUR SELF RIGHTEOUS RELIGIOUSLY HYPOCRITICAL NATURE. FUCK YOU!
I'm tired of rejecting my humanity while embracing everyone else's.
...................................................FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......
No comments:
Post a Comment