The one that made me cry.

So it was inevitable that something like this was going to happen. The week prior to this has been long and this week is already starting to feel long. I've been looking for that vitality that my youth is supposed to have and I'm not finding it.

I finally have my schedule for next semester. It's not too different from the one I have right now honestly. The timing is a little better but overall my rant never spilled over into my appointment. Man I'm weak.

I marched home defeated after a near silent critique in video and decided I'd go get the cheetos I was going to simmer in water for a couple of hours but I guess Ralph's grocery doesn't carry cheetos. Wtf right?

So I figured hey, bad day, why not Yellow Leaf it one more time right? They were out of pancake and bacon cupcakes. I was given a free sample which.. somewhat made my day. I went ahead and bought the banana and cardamom cupcake.

I got home and I was about to take a bite of it and it smelled like home. I felt like I was with my grandma again watching her sift through rice and eating her stale khanfaroosh.

My childhood will never exist again, not for my kids or my grandchildren.  My grandmother will never exist again, and the beauty of the life she breathed into me and the magic of her shawl and her mask - is going to fade. So will the home I grew up in with her. She doesn't know me anymore she only has the memory of who I used to be.

 Anyway - I just wonder where life is taking me next.

There's 2 things in my life that matter right now - art and school aren't either of them.